October has always been my favorite month of the year, yes it is my birthdate month but it holds even more than this for me.
Historically since I was a little girl, the moment the calendar page turns to October 1st each year, I can feel this internal shift in myself as well as an external shift in mother nature.
The air smells different.
The density of the earth feels different.
There is a palpable magic in the cosmos that my heart yearns for all year long.
I recall the first birthday I celebrated after the passing of my mom, when that October felt very different for me.
It was as if all of the things I loved about this magical month became weights of heavy proportions for me to carry, amplifying my loss of her.
I pushed against that pain.
I resisted it. I battled it. I fought it.
I numbed it as much as I humanly could.
This year, this October, four years later, I found myself in a similar heaviness, not rivaling the loss of my mother of course, but loss nonetheless.
Profound relationship endings & beginnings.
Parenting life is entering a new phase leaving behind the small child stage & entering adolescence.
My career is transforming.
My ideas about love & what I long for are evolving.
Akin to the way a snake has to shed old skin, in order to birth his new skin…that is what this month has transpired to be for me in 2020.
Do you think the snake has a choice in when or where he must leave his old skin behind?
No, of course not.
And neither do I.
So this year, I decided that instead of fighting & resisting this transformation, I decided to make a conscious intention to allow this change to be exactly what it is.
So, I’ve embraced it.
I’m allowing myself to feel every blessed ounce of it–the pain, the fear, the surprise, the disappointments, the utter lack of control that I have in any of it.
And somehow, in the most divine manner that only God Source could transpire, this has been one of the most personally transformative months of my whole life.
So if you find yourself in a similar season, just let what is no longer meant for you to gracefully go…
Let God do what God does best, which is to love you into the life waiting for you.
3 thoughts on “October has always been my favorite month of the year, yes it is my birthdate mo…”
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Beautiful 😭♥️ xx “what you seek is seeking you” ~ Rumi